That weirdo that craves change…

Change makes my world go round…I’m constantly making changes. Even as a child I never did anything for a long period of time. I did ballet, gymnastics, artsy stuff, softball, tap…I Love to change things up, and try out everything…so, now Whether it’s changing my hair color chopping off my hair, moving, making new friends, changing jobs…I need change in my life to keep going. It motivates me! 


Changing my hair is BIG for me. I’ll grow it long then chop it off, or dye it black, red, then go platinum blonde. Each time I change anything it’s because I started a new chapter in my life…Or I just get bored with it, and need something different.

     

Soooo what’s next for me who knows we shall see…Do you make frequent changes in your life? Are you indecisive? Are you spontaneous? What kind of person are you? Many people don’t know why they do the things they do…I can help you figure it out. Embrace positive change it helps us grow as individuals, & makes life interesting, & exciting. 

https://portal.wecounsel.com/directory/7806f6d1-9846-4533-8d99-1b16922316ef

Why do Relationships cause Chaos in our Brains???…

Growing up I used to think I needed a relationship to be happy, entertained, amused, or maybe to not be alone…We are born dependent on other human beings. The first 18 years of life we need others to survive.

Then we get older, and start living a real independent life….why do humans feel the need to still have relationships? We have jobs, and money so no need for others to house, clothe, feed, or provide money to us for fun. So really what’s the point? Yes if you read my previous blog on needing people…we all need people. If you were to wake up one day, and no one was around…and you were the only person on the planet….there would be a problem, and you probably wouldn’t last very long.

We feed off of each other. People need people, but relationships?? hmmmm makes me wonder….as a Therapist I see relationship issues daily. Whether it’s between a marriage, friendship, or intimate couple. If you choose to be in any kind of relationship problems will be encountered.

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I’ve found that most of these problems, are needs not being met, or insecurities that come from deep within the person that creates self destructive thoughts. Although that person never sees it unless it’s brought to their attention…But it’s never brought up until they come to me…then I identify it, and address it. Why doesn’t their partner, or friend notice they’re suffering? Are they suffering as well? Maybe one has the ice cold heart, and are only about themselves? Maybe the other is overly emotional, and feels everything?

 

I’ve encountered many issues…

Why do people feel the need to cheat? Why do people stay together after one cheats? Why stay if your abused? Why would someone need to abuse another? OMG!!!! The list just keeps going. So many questions!!! So why do we need to be in relationships?

What I’ve found is that the people who experience these issues don’t know who they are. They are lost, They continued to be dependent on others their entire lives. They’ve learned to blend in, and have never truly been alone. They usually have no hobbies, and can’t tell you who they are, or what they enjoy. They may even have trouble making decisions without the input of another. In order for them to feel love, appreciation, happiness, or fun they need someone. They don’t know how to do it without another person right there. They need to feel the person next to them to feel safe, and wanted.

Come on people is that really possible…can both partners be completely satisfied living their lives making a selfish person happy. Let’s face it we are all a little selfish. Well guess what…I do believe it is possible, but it takes work.

Step one: Talk to your friend or significant other

Tell them how you’re feeling. COMMUNICATE!!! We have so much trouble communicating, because we don’t want to hurt feelings, or cause conflict. If you never say anything they will never know. Don’t be passive aggressive! USE your WORDS!!!

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Step two: You must know who you are as an individual

One might ask well how the HELL do you do that? Not easy…but you need to spend time on your own doing things for you, and not for another person. So many of us live our lives to please others instead of pleasing ourselves. Oh…and that other person eats it up, and loves it!!! So they will never tell you anything different. You need to find the strength to back up, and put yourself first. If they want to be in your life they’ll get over it, if they don’t then they were never supposed to be there.

Step three: With communication comes COMPROMISE

You must learn to meet in the middle. If you’re one who doesn’t like to or give or to receive there will always be a problem. HEY!! IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU! Relationships, and Friendships take work. You want to have relationships then put in the work, and sacrifice a little.

Step four: Tell your self NO ONE IS LIKE ME! PEOPLE ARE MEAN & SELFISH!

Yes it’s true! No one cares about you!! Keep telling yourself that. The more you remind yourself that no one is like you; the less your heart will hurt due to others. You might be that person who is always there no matter what…But your friend may not be that person. You can’t help it that they SUCK as an individual, and only care about themselves.

However, if you want them in your life you can accept them for who they are. You can also not allow them to upset you when they forget about you, or make plans with you then blow them off. Or when they happen to forget to respond to your messages until they need something, but you will always respond to them…Shit happens you learn, and you move on. Don’t let them control your emotions. Same goes with significant others.

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LAST Step: Put yourself first in a positive way

Know who you are, Communicate, practice self control, find your self love. When you love yourself you can give others that same love. If you are not sure of who you are, and you aren’t comfortable with you…Then how can you love another; if you don’t love yourself?

You are in control, so decide…Stay in a love-less relationship with yourself, and continue to struggle with relationships, Or discover your self-Love. When you love yourself you won’t depend on others to meet your needs; you’ll meet them on your own. Then when someone comes along, and wants to be in your life whether friend, boyfriend, husband, girlfriend or wife…you’ll be confident, and won’t allow them to take control of your emotions, thoughts, or behaviors.

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It is possible to find happiness, but you must find it within yourself first! Need help discovering yourself, and finding self-love. Contact me.

jlira2384@gmail.com

https://portal.wecounsel.com/directory/7806f6d1-9846-4533-8d99-1b16922316ef

 

 

 

 

 

Where does sadness come from? 

It’s been about a month that I’ve been off all of my medication, and only using oils. I’ve decided to treat myself without the help of foreign substances. 

I’ve been sleeping better thanks to meditation, and oils. I’ve been controlling my sadness, and anxiety with balance, cheer, and peace (oils). I’ve had help with my extreme ADHD with in tune(oils). The oils, positive thought, and meditation have been changing my life. 

https://www.mydoterra.com/jeanettelira/#/

So my question??? Where does the sadness,  and anxiety come from? 

Many people I meet with depression describe their pain as undescribable. Which is completely true. I have no clue where it comes from. My thoughts are positive. I even see my sadness as a strength. Does that depression or anxiety pain ever really go away? 


I tell my clients that it never goes away. It is part of who u are. It’ll come, and it’ll go. You’ll have restless, sleepless nights. You’ll experience sadness, and happiness within a 48hr period. It’s what you do with those emotions that will define who you are. The diagnosis doesn’t define you. 

I choose happiness, and positivity. Why be miserable? Life is too short to allow your pain to take over, and win. Therefore, I will continue to see all of me, and my future as amazing, powerful, and strength building. I’ll continue to spread that positive energy to everyone I encounter; with hopes that they too will spread the positive vibes. 

The Siren (perfect women) VS. The Centaur ("perfect man")

How do you get the title the perfect man or the perfect women?? Well there may be many different opinions. This is how I would classify them:

  • Siren- mythical unrealistic creature
    • 28 and up
    • Not currently married or ever been married
    • NO CHILDREN
    • Has a College Degree of some sort
    • HAS A MASTERS or DOCTORATE a BIG BONUS!!!
    • Owns a home of their own
    • Has a full-time stable job
    • Pays for all their own things and bills
    • Depends on no one to live a HAPPY life
    • Great sense of humor
    • Not jealous, clingy or needyimg_3788
  • Centaur-mythical unrealistic creature
    • 28 and up
    • Not currently married or ever been married
    • NO CHILDREN
    • Has bachelors, masters, or doctorate
    • NO ROOMMATE
    • Owns home
    • Has good credit
    • Has stable full-time job
    • Doesn’t ask friends for advice on who or how many to be with
    • Doesn’t show friends pictures or videos of women they’ve been with
    • Great sense of humor
    • Not jealous, clingy or needy
    • Feel no need to control their women

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I’m sure others may have their own definitions of the perfect man, or women. Do they really exist? Who knows…but if you meet all the characteristics in the above bullet points…you are RARE!!! Would that mean you’re absolutely perfect…nah…I don’t think so. I know I’m not perfect at all, but…I would consider myself a SIREN, I have all the above bullet points. I have even come across one or two Centaurs, but they are far from perfect!

I might even say that the Siren, and the Centaur might have some of the most issues. We may have our shit together, but I think because we have our shit together we lose sight of other things. I think a lot of us have gotten comfortable being on our own, and don’t know how to add others into our busy, exciting, adventurous lives. We spent most our lives in school, being responsible, and making sure our bills got paid. We needed to keep our credit high to buy houses, and cars. There was no time to mess around, have babies, and get into trouble. We are goal oriented people. We set our goals high, and don’t stop until we get it DONE!!!

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Now here’s the issue…I’m 33 never had a successful relationship, and no babies. Now to some women that could be the end of the world…NOT me! If a little person doesn’t pop outta me any time soon…I’m ok with that. To me it just means I wasn’t meant to procreate, and God just wants me to see the world, and travel. Now if I am blessed with a little person one day…I will be that momma that straps that baby to my back, and climbs the Grand Canyon.

So, is there really such thing as the “Perfect Man” or the “Perfect Women”??? Nah…I don’t think so. Perfect is whatever you want it to be. As long as you see yourself as “Perfect” that’s all that matters. I think Perfect is when you don’t allow yourself to stop growing. If you continue to grow daily, open your mind, leave room for change, and allow yourself to experience new and scary things. I think that defines you, If you know who you are, and you love who you are. Then I think you are perfect. We all have the opportunity to make sure we are PERFECT in our own eyes.

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People: Do we need other humans to find happiness? 

All humans are different, but for the most part…yes I think we need other human energy, and connections. Although do humans need people to feel happy, satisfied, content??? Hmmmm makes me think…if you are always surrounded by others…how do you truly know if you’re happy with you? How do you even know if you’re being you?

When people are around other people they tend to merge energies, and personalities. They do what each other do…they become one. Therefore, if you have NEVER really been alone, and felt comfortable being on your own…who are you? Are you happy? Do you accept yourself? 

I’ve pretty much been on my own for a while. Never had a roommate…I have friends, and family, but we aren’t always together. When I was younger…I remember feeling like I need someone to be happy. Someone to do things with. Someone to talk to, watch tv with. However, that never really made me happy. I would make myself miserable when I was alone, because I had no one, and felt like a loser. Then when I had someone I was miserable, because…I ended up conforming to make them happy, and forgot about me…but I didn’t even know who I was. 

Life is SOOOOO complicated. One day I decided I’m going to get to know me. Find my love, desire, and passions. I was determined to find who I was. So this is what I did…

I started telling myself NO ONE cares about you, people are selfish, stop setting expectations, because there’s NO ONE out there that thinks like you. Stop going out of the way for people. Stop waiting for people to have fun. Stop getting upset when people don’t invite you, or forget about you. 

STOP LETTING OTHERS CONTROL YOU!!! YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR HAPPINESS, THOUGHTS, & ACTIONS!!! 

I started telling myself: you’re amazing, you’re smart, you’re adventurous, you’re fun, you’re great at everything you do. Don’t let people hold you back. NO ONE needs to accept you, but yourself. Who cares what they say, or what they think. If you are comfortable, and love yourself…THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS. 

NO ONE is as important as you are. You are your own number one. Take care of you. If you love yourself…then others will too. 

That’s what I said, and did. Little by little I put myself out there. Started doing things alone. I make my plans…of course I invite everyone I know…which isn’t many people. But I invited…usually no one was able to join me, because remember…NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU!!! 

So what did I do!???? Get mad, sad, and stay home??? HELL NO!!! I went, and did my plans! SCARY right?? NO really it wasn’t scary.  Everytime I went I enjoyed myself, and had a blast. I learned to speak to people, to make friends everywhere I go, I learned about myself…I felt fear, and success! I pushed myself. I found that women who was hiding deep inside of me. I got rid of the insecure women, who depended on others, the one who thought she needed a man, the one that felt rejected, and lost when her friends didn’t include her. 

I started slow…worked out at gym alone, stayed home alone, and didn’t let myself get emotional. I ran in the neighborhood alone, ran  in a wooded park alone, hiked Enchanted Rock alone, went to Grapecreek Vineyard alone, went to the movies alone, went to lunch alone, travelled to LA to visit my cousin alone, explored LA alone, went to a bar alone, went to rivers and lakes, took myself to dinner ALONE…

I built myself, I learned about myself. I didn’t fear loneliness, or growing old alone. It doesn’t bother me anymore.  I gained courage, I changed jobs, made many positive changes. My life is finally falling into place, and I’m doing it, and living it for ME. Anyone who wants to be part of my life will need to be able to fit into my spontaneous & free lifestyle. Of course I’ll compromise as well, but they must be like minded.

Every week I make plans for myself if people join me then AWESOME!!! If they don’t…ehhh…doesn’t matter because, I got me, and I’m very interesting, and entertaining!! 

Try being on your own. Are you really ever ALONE??? Think about it…there are people everywhere you go! Even when I’m by myself at home there’s the nighbors…so what do you fear? There is no real FEAR, because no matter where you are you’re never alone. 

Next life goal for me this year…I’m traveling out of the Country ALL ALONE!!! This is happening, and it’s going to be AMAZING! It’s so empowering, and motivating to know the real me. Try it, find the real you it’s an amazing experience. When you’re able to find self love, you’ll have less self doubt, and better relationships. Hey maybe you’ll actually find true happiness in your life. Yes, as humans we need other humans, but we don’t need other humans to be happy! All you need is you! 

Are Successful Women DOOMED??

What is it about a successful women that scares a man away? Am I completely wrong? Men do you get intimidated by a women who has a great education, owns her own home, has her own business, makes more money then you? Hold on I won’t lump all men together…I have met some who will attempt, and not get easily scared. Those who have attempted with me have tried to control me, and that just doesn’t fly with me. I have met a man recently who seems to be on my same page…but still no date or flowers…I do get messages, and serenaded…we shall see what happens…only time will tell.

My friends, and I have always wondered…Why is it that we are single? Why are some women taken out on dates, and we have to take each other on dates. Or in my case at times I take myself on dates. Do they not take us on dates because they know we can do it ourselves??? It’s not like I’m unapproachable. I smile, laugh, dance, and talk to everyone. I don’t have a list of characteristics I’m looking for. I don’t push people away unless I know they are not helping me grow.

Here’s the event that put these thoughts in my head:

Last night I was out for a drink with my good friend. We were at our last location and ran into a man I had been “seeing”, “talking to”, whatever you want to call it, and he was with a women. This encounter probably pissed my friend off more then me, because I’m not easily rattled by stupidity. Not to be rude or toot my own horn, but honestly in my opinion, the opinion of my friend, and of others around us…I was clearly the better choice. I’m not one to talk badly about women. I believe we should build each other up. I would totally help her shop, and take care of herself with exercise, and meal prepping. I’d even help her with her resume, give free therapy…I’m always open to helping other women.

I’ll redirect my frustration on the target the man/boy. I ask myself…How are you going to be begging to see me to “hangout” for the past month, and be with another women who was clearly his GIRLFRIEND. I came to this conclusion when he was afraid to come say hi, and only approached us as she left to the bathroom then ran back like a scared little puppy. What is it that compels a person to feel so superior that they must hurt others by keeping things from the people they supposedly have an emotional connection with. This baffles me. Why be in a relationship if you know that person isn’t all that you want, and need?

Who is this women why does she get the girlfriend title, get taken out in public, bought dinner and drinks? Is she weak? Is she easily controlled? What kind of goals does she have? What kind of person is she? Does she know he talks to other women behind her back? Why does she allow it? Does she have a career? Is she blind? What’s her mind set?

I bought my first house at 24, Masters degree at 25, carefree attitude. I’m extremely independent, a fighter, express everything I feel, and think (no filter), motivated to conquer the world, failure doesn’t exist in my vocabulary.  The moment you meet me this is communicated, I’m an open book, what you see is what you get. I’m that girl who is always on her own, and enjoys it. I’ve only had 2 serious relationships during my life time. One I lived miserably with. The other I married then quickly divorced; when I realized his need to control my every move, and thought.

I always say MEN DON’T LIKE ME!! They don’t approach me, ask me out, respect me, or treat me as girlfriend material. They must think all I want is SEX, because that’s how some will approach, or they’ll attempt to exercise their control by telling me I need to do something, or move from my location to get a drink from them, which I don’t respond well too. I don’t need your drink, or your attention, thanks BYE BYE!!

People in general tend to judge by the exterior of others. Maybe I present myself as too confident? or as a SEX Goddess? Who knows? But how is that a bad thing? Why treat me as if I don’t matter? If I was a Man…I would think JACKPOT!! Let’s build an EMPIRE of AMAZING-NESS!!! But I don’t think all men think like that…So what is it? What does “the girlfriend” have that I don’t have? What does “the girlfriend” lack that I have too much of?? Is there a problem with WOMEN…Or does the problem lie with the MAN??

I know I’m not the only women out there who thinks about this. It’s a common thought among like minded educated, confident women. What’s wrong with me???? Are all educated, beautiful, confident women destined to take each other on dates, and buy our own flowers? Hey we like that stuff too!!  It’s nice to be shown appreciation, and shown you’re being thought of. Just because we are strong minded doesn’t mean our hearts are ice cold, and made of stone. We have emotions, we get hurt, we cry, we feel ugly, fat, rejected, or unwanted at times. However, you’ll never know it, or see it…BUT we are HUMAN!! Cut us and we will bleed, some of us may have sparkly glitter blood running through our veins, but we still bleed!!!

 

Seize the day!!!

Monday’s can be the source of negative thoughts for many. Some might even start Sunday thinking: Ugh I don’t wanna go to work, why can’t I just be rich and not have to work, my job sucks, the people I work with suck, I’m not qualified to do anything, no one will hire me, I suck…Blah blah blahhhh…the list of negative thoughts can keep going. 

We tend to forget that we create those thoughts that cause us happiness or dread…attempt to make everyday a great day or at least a decent one.

If u don’t love your job look for one u can enjoy. If you don’t have a job expand your search. Learn something new. Get out of your comfort zone. There are tons of jobs out there. Why stay stuck?

I could look at my schedule, and complain easily. I work about 10+hours everyday. I have no life people!!! 😂 But I won’t do that. I plan my meals take breakfast, lunch, dinner, and my snacks. Oh and plenty of Diet Dr Pepper (addiction&power source) Prepare for each client, and get excited about who I’m going to meet or get to help. 


Change those thoughts. Find something to look forward to, even if it’s just lunch!! 😂 Get there, and do your thing, or go explore, discover new passions. Be thankful for the job you do have, or the job you don’t have. You’re usually in your position for a reason. Figure out what it is, and use it to make yourself better! Have a great week! Don’t forget to tell yourself that you’re AWESOME! 🙃😊❤️

That FLOAT life

When I heard about FLOAT a few months ago, and knew I had to try it. Anything that lets you feel weightless or like an astronaut…I’m down!! 


At FLOAT you will experience something awesome! My first FLOAT was odd, and yes I did panic some towards the end of the session. I had allergies, and thought I couldn’t breath….darn anxiety! But I did it.


The second time was much more satisfying. Today was my third float. Everytime I go it gets better. Try it out or at least google it! 😂😊❤️its SUPER cool! #FLOATSA

Walking through a fog…

If possible can you imagine getting up one morning doing your normal routine, you walk out the door. Suddenly, your eyes open and you find yourself in an unfamiliar place, you blink, and realize you’re not the same person you woke up as that morning. Your thoughts, emotions, senses, and behaviors don’t match who you were when you woke up.

You can only see darkness, and blurred images. It’s impossible for you to see as clearly as you once did. You can’t feel anything. Touch doesn’t feel the same, Taste doesn’t matter. It’s almost like you’re a robot, or zombie just moving doing things you’re supposed to…because you don’t want people to know you’re different.

Almost 4 years ago I was minding my own business living my life then out of nowhere, I was hit BAM! The most extreme traumatic event I had ever experienced blindsided me, and my family. Our lives were changed Forever!!

I can’t even describe it. All I can say is…I DIED. My soul was taken out of my body, my heart stopped, my brain didn’t function. I couldn’t breath, see, or feel. I was lifeless.

Depression can happen to anyone, even the strongest people. Even the ones that are supposed to have it together. I’m a therapist…but I’m human, and have my struggles.

I’ve learned that the medication only masked the pain. It gave me some time to fix myself emotionally. I’ll never be 100%….Trauma changes you. When you’re forced to unexpectedly…Look into glassy lifeless eyes, or hold a cold lifeless body…you will never be the person you once were….Now I’m ready to let it go. I don’t want the fake chemically manufactured help. I don’t want to take a million pills every year. No more poisoning my body; I want to heal my body, and soul naturally.

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I’ve decided to stop all my medication, and only use natural remedies. I will be treating myself with oils, positive thought, exercise, nature, music, and seeing my own private therapist monthly.

You must challenge yourself. Gain control over your thoughts, then your emotions, and your behaviors will follow. You have the power to make a change in yourself, and the life you live. IT’S ALL UP TO YOU! You’re in control of you.

With any traumatic experience we must take the pain, and negative energy….transform it into strength, and positivity. Use it to make ourselves better…then use it to help others. Life’s a rough journey make sure you stay on top.

Do you leave it behind? Or take it with you??? 

Everyday you leave your home and go to work, school…go somewhere, or do something. Throughout your day you make contact with people, energies, problems, uncomfortable situations, encounter extreme emotions…..what do you hold on to???

Do you keep it all? Do you need to talk to people about it? Do you let it effect your evening? Pay attention to your actions.

I soak up the energies of many people daily…I’m human. I can’t hold on to it…it’ll only hurt me. I can’t share it…I value my clients, and job too much. 


I choose to sit alone nightly outside. Feel the summer breeze, taste the sweetness of my wine or chocolate, listen to music that touches my soul. I talk to the open sky through my heart…& Let it all go…

Everyone has their own methods, and process. Mine is nature and music. I choose positivity. What’s yours?