The different kinds of love…

In my 36 almost 37 years of life I’ve been blessed to experience, so many different types of love. Yes that’s right there are many types of love. I was a Love skeptic at one time…I used to say what is love? There might even be blog from years ago about me not knowing what love really is…or maybe that was just a thought of a blog??? Either way…YES there are different types of love. Here is the order of which I’ve experienced the different types of love 

Parental love: I love my parents, so many of us love our parents even when we have never met them. We love them even when they hurt us. I love my parents despite their own challenges in life. Parental love is unconditional, we can be mad at them, they can make us feel unimaginable pain, but we will always love our parents or the idea of the love we think we should have from our parents. FYI most of the problems we have as adults stem from the attachment we had from birth…SO YES OUR PARENTS ARE THE ONE’S WHO F@%K US UP!! But we love them regardless.

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First love: that love in High school where it’s pure and you feel like “THEY ARE THE ONE” then a few months down the road that’s just not true…but then you find yourself running back to them because you had sex for the first time with them and you feel they are the only one for you…or I just don’t want to increase my number count…or ”I’m only comfortable with them”…ETC…first love is exciting and fun and later loves never feel like this…FYI…it’s probably because at that time in our lives our frontal lobe isn’t developed yet and we literally feel like they “ARE THE ONLY ONE” 

2nd-???Loves: these go into many different categories but here are the ones I personally experienced in life…you may or may not relate…chances are you will 

Love because we feel we are unloveable or unwanted: “I’m going to make this work because no one will ever accept me the way they do”…”They don’t mean that”…”He doesn’t call me, or want to take me out, or spend time with me, maybe he’s just BUSY??” This is totally NOT HEALTHY to be telling yourself about someone you supposedly love. If someone loves you they will make it know through actions not words or manipulation.

Love because it’s too late to walk away: transitions happen, tragedy happens…it is never too late to walk away, DON’T create a fake love because of the trauma you have experienced in life. You don’t need another person to heal yourself…YOU MUST HEAL ON YOUR OWN! With platonic support not SEX and affection.

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Love out of obligation: that love that you create because it’s just best for all if you stay together…because of the kids…because of the family…because the division of friends. You deserve the best in life!! It took me many years to believe this, and to acknowledge this…but if I’m not happy neither are the people around me. If I stay in something just because it’s easier I’m not helping…I’m hurting others and myself.

PURE LOVE: the love a mother feels for her child…this I’ve been so blessed to experience. So many women long for this experience, and for you my heart hurts and cries for you all the time. But seriously I struggled to make this a reality. I thought this would never happen, until it did. I was not expecting it at all, but here I am with a beautiful little boy…I’m so grateful. So, you can feel this in many different ways not only by carrying a child of your own, but through surrogacy, adoption, fostering, being an aunt, sister…ETC. You can feel this if you would like to feel this type of love. We all experience it differently based on the time in our life that it occurs, but it’s still pure..even if you give your baby to a family that can care for them better than you can at that point in your life. IT’S REAL…and indescribable. 

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SELF-LOVE: this love takes time, takes education, takes courage, takes you allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to open yourself to learning more about you and the traumas you experienced in life…YES we all experience TRAUMA in life…Trauma is anything you encountered that caused any kind of extreme emotion. Have you cried? Have you felt pain? Have you been angry? Then YES you have experienced TRAUMA!!! BE open enough to find this. It’s the hardest thing to find… because that means you have to talk about the stuff you’re not comfortable with…it’s having to experience and talk about those emotions you can’t even put words to.  I’ve almost got this down!! ALMOST…but those negative evil thoughts of self destruction like to come back from time to time to throw me off. I’ve got some good tools to help with this. 

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The Infamous…The love you feel when you find a person that is not only your partner, but your lover, your support, your friend, your PERSON: This I’m still waiting to find…yes I believe it exists, it’s not always perfect…it’s raw…and real. It’s finding someone you feel comfortable communicating with even the awkward uncomfortable stuff. I’ve witnessed this type of love and I know one day it is the type of love I will experience, and so will you. 

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I may be missing other types of love, if I am please educate me. I’m a Counselor and always willing to learn and grow. YES I’m that Counselor that believes she doesn’t know it all, and YES I have my own Counselor I see monthly, and am grateful for her…because she helps me grow…so I can help you grow. We Grow together. 

It’s not easy to find that love with your PERSON. You must love YOU, you must love all of YOU to be able to find it. YOU must be courageous enough to work through your past traumas to lead yourself to SELF-LOVE. When you are able to love yourself you’re ready and open for another to come into your life. Our Counselors are here to guide you to self love, so you can experience all the love you would like to in life. 

Mental Health in the time of COVID-19

The effects are being felt worldwide…who would’ve ever thought that in 2020 in the United States of America and throughout the world we would be under strict rules of quarentine?? That our freedoms would be stripped away from us, that we would be forced to distance ourselves from natural human interaction, that we would be hiding behind masks everytime we step out of our homes, that the entire world would be on pause and non operational???? This is INSANE! I keep telling people I’m just waiting for the zombies to come out of the sewers to attack.

As a Mental Health Provider I have started to notice the effects of quarantine in my clients and even in myself. I find myself experiencing minor panic attacks and have been having nightmares almost nightly. My clients are feeling it too the loss of jobs having to work at home, be parents, wives/husbands, entertainment, teachers, protectors, providers…it’s completely overwhelming!!!

You see people online providing help with things to do while in quarentine…they are all great ideas, but let’s be honest…if you are battling your brain and thoughts to maintain a good outlook and stay mentally healthy it’s hard to stick to a schedule, it’s hard to remember to breathe or do yoga…it’s just plain hard period to do all the things we are being forced to do and try to be productive at the same time. WE ARE ALL EXHAUSTED!!

I just wanted to acknowledge everyone out there fighting to continue to function as normal as possible. It’s not easy. Staying busy only lasts for so long, you can only do things so many times before it’s not enjoyable anymore. The best thing we can do is support each other. Remind yourself is ok to take a break, it’s ok to binge Netflix, it’s ok to not always get dressed, it’s ok to put your kids in front of a movie, so you can take some time to yourself. You don’t always have to follow a plan or schedule, it’s healthy to deviate occasionally. You don’t have to be the PERFECT parent or teacher!! Because it doesn’t exist. Be kind to yourself.

Keep in contact with friends and family as much as possible. I know viewing your loved ones from a screen is not the same, there’s a loss in connection and energy, but remind yourself this isn’t forever is just for RIGHT NOW. Humans need physical contact and face to face interactions to survive. Even my severely anxious clients are wanting to just be around people to feel the natural energy we give each other and they don’t even like people.

This is a reminder that YOU ARE NOT ALONE in this. We will come out on the other side stronger and ready to rebuild. Continue to do daily check ins with everyone you love. If you notice they seem off don’t try to make it better, just be there and offer whatever support you can even if it’s just staring at each other on a screen or being in the same room with your family.

Please STOP watching the news every second of the day!!! It’s only going to add to your fear because all they do is report the scary stuff. It’s a marketing strategy if they can fuel your anxiety or fear you will become triggered and activate your overthinking brain and won’t be able to remove yourself from it…you will just want to know more. They do it on purpose!!!

Start writing about your journey through COVID-19, write about your thoughts and emotions…learn to become aware of what you’re thinking and why. It’s a great tool to have. If you are aware you have the ability to take control. Instead of letting your thoughts and emotions control you. Start your day with saying the things you’re grateful for out loud and end your day in a grateful silent mediation visualizing the things you are grateful for or just speaking them into your heart to be able to feel how grateful you are.

In all just don’t forget to care for yourself…you are LOVED and NEEDED and if you need extra support the Counselors at Positive Soul Holistic Therapy are still seeing clients. Give us a call! If you don’t have insurance don’t worry we have interns seeing clients for $25 during the shelter in place orders. We will continue to be present and online to support you in this journey. 210-858-6127.

Can Group Therapy be Helpful?

By Jagger L. Hernandez LPC Intern, Supervised by Jeanette N. Lira LPC-S

Group therapy or individual therapy, which one is right for you? Both have their pros and cons but, what makes group therapy helpful? Group therapy may sound intimidating at first but, from my personal experience it is not as scary as one can imagine. I am grateful to have had the chance to participate in a group session for social anxiety and run group sessions for teenagers and parents of children in the juvenile justice system. 

My experience as a participant

I had a college advisor recommend me checking out group counseling that was held every month for my social anxiety. For someone who experienced social anxiety, group counseling sounds like a complete nightmare and I kind of brushed it off like it was no big deal. On the next morning, I thought, “what the heck,” so I visited the group counseling webpage to see what I can discover and with the intention that I will somehow sign myself up for the following meeting. I read through the entire webpage, but I wasn’t paying attention to any of it, it felt as if I was just staring blankly at the screen. I found the “sign up” button and I moved the cursor right on top of it and paused. I was beginning to feel warm and my mind felt like it was racing all of a sudden, I quickly clicked on the “x” in the corner of the window for an instant relief. For the next few hours, I didn’t feel happy, I felt bleak and maybe even disappointed in myself; the next day just seemed to repeat itself and the social anxiety I experienced remained. In the following days, I thought, “who am I kidding?” I hadnautomatically decided that I was not going to give this opportunity a chance and nothing changed. This one particular day, I was sitting in the lobby in the residence hall waiting for a friend to meet for breakfast, I overheard someone talking on their phone and they said, “…the only way to make change happen is for you do something about it.” I don’t know who they were talking to, but it spoke to me and gave me the extra push to “do something” about my situation without making excuses. I pulled out my phone went to the universities’ counseling services webpage and signed myself up for a group session the following day. It all happened so fast that I did not give myself time to talk myself out of it; it was a like a leap of faith. The first group counseling experience was painless, I was nervous at first but, I got comfortable when everyone shared their personal experience with anxiety. It was something about hearing similar experiences from others that eased my mind. We talked about different techniques and methods to lower anxiety levels and the way we shared a common goal helped me be accountable for taking action to make change happen. We supported each other and always discussed how we can help each other out; the group session gave us time to practice meditating as well. By signing myself up for group counseling, I was taking control of the social anxiety and it felt good; I felt happy. I continue to carry forward what I’ve learned in the group session till this day as I am constantly meeting new faces and I feel encouraged to help others who are also struggling with anxiety.  

My experience as a facilitator

The first hour spent in a group session is usually awkward because you’re sitting next to others you don’t know. Once we got past the introductions, there was a change in the group’s energy; there wasn’t that much tension in the room anymore. I remember one teen specifically that did not speak until towards the very end of the group meeting. This was during an open-round where each member would tell us what they felt they have gotten out of the session that day. When it was this teen’s turn to speak, he wanted to acknowledge that he did not feel alone in relation to the personal problems he is experiencing. It was great to hear from him and bringing that level of awareness to the group discussion. I can’t say that he got the most or least out of the experience than the others that was present but, letting yourself share your story can create a bridge for another person to relate psychologically, spiritually, or emotionally.  There are rules in group therapy such as, being respectful when others are speaking and giving other’s the opportunity to speak. With group rules set in place our teens started to share a little bit more and used different words from their vocabulary than just “I don’t know.” The teens that didn’t know each other’s names when they sat down were starting to build connections with each other through their shared experiences.

There are many pros to group therapy that includes knowing that you are not suffering alone in this world. You can experience comfort from hearing another’s experience similar experience or you can be the voice that other’s need to hear. Not all groups function the same and there are topics to help guide which group might be a best fit for you. If you are interested in group sessions, send us an email with your information and what topic you would be interested in. 

What is CBD?

Being the owner of a Holistic Counseling office I see many clients with wide ranges of issues. From Chronic Pain, Trauma, PTSD, ADHD, ODD, Anxiety, Depression, Behavior, Autism…the list goes on and on. Many of my clients don’t want to take any more medications than they have to. Or many parents don’t want their children on medication. I always explain that medication is sometimes necessary when dealing with chemical imbalances and severe mental health issues. However, with other behavioral/life issues natural solutions can be tried first and if they don’t work then we can explore medication options, and referrals to specialists can be made.

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I have recently tried CBD and was blown away by the effectiveness of this natural medication. I am a firm believer in the use of natural medicine. If you have read my previous blogs you know I use oils to heal myself. I haven’t taken an antibiotic, allergy medication or nose spray in over two years. And now there is no need for Tylenol, Motrin or any other pain reliever, thanks to my recent discovery of CBD. I believe we were put on this earth with the tools to help ourselves to a certain extent. Doctors, Counselors, and pharmaceutical companies were also put on this earth for a reason. One doctor, medication, natural technique, or counselor cannot solve the issues of the world alone. But we can all work together to find a solution and discover a combination that is right for you and your family.

So what is CBD? 

CBD is a Cannabinoid by the name of Cannabidiol (CBD) which comes from the cannabis plant or hemp. YES marijuana/THC is a Cannabinoid as well, and is also made from the cannabis plant. However, CBD is the part of the plant that doesn’t cause psychoactive effects on the brain. It will not get you “HIGH!!!” CBD is the part of the cannabis plant that has health benefits. Because it is taken from the cannabis plant directly it does have small traces of THC, because there is no way to completely take out all of the THC. CBD in Texas is legal and has less than .2% THC. CBD will not cause you to fail a drug test, and it will not negatively affect you or your children. It DOES NOT effect your body like THC in any way or form.

There has been lots of research on the effectiveness and safety of this natural medication. Its regular usage can help with numerous medical aliments such as: depression, anxiety, pain, seizures, lethargy, dysphoria, PTSD, arthritis, epilepsy, insomnia, sleep paralysis, ADHD, ODD, antibiotic resistant infections, MS, diabetes, it has anti-cancer properties…and so much more.

After experiencing the effectiveness of Green Garden Gold CBD I knew I had to provide it to my clients. I was referring them daily to try it, and many of them were having success for themselves and their children. So starting at the end of this month Positive Soul Holistic Therapy will be carrying Green Garden Gold CBD products. We will carry it in the form of oil seen below to take orally under the tongue in 100mg, 300mg, and 500mg. In balm and gel form for aches and pains, and in gummy form to make it easy to ingest for all ages. For more information on how CBD can help you and your loved ones contact us we can help guide you to living a positive, natural, and healthy lifestyle. 210-858-6127

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Emotional Detachment & Dating

“Dating” today is ridiculous and scary. No wonder people stay in bad relationships. It’s comfortable. It’s easy. They tell themselves…Yeah I’m not happy, but it’s better than dating. TRUTH!!! I’ve been in the dating world for the past 4 years. And dating isn’t what it used to be. It can be very discouraging and disappointing.

When I was allowed to date at 17-18. “Dating” meant becoming someone’s girlfriend. Friends would play match maker to get you to date someone. So I did that….Then when I was in my 20s I dated again. At that time my family played match makers. I was taken on dates then asked to be a girlfriend. At that age, after you’re a girlfriend for a while, you  moved in together. So I did that twice…The last time I was like 29. So, at that age you get married!! Right??? and then live happily ever after…SIKE!! Now I’m single….And dating today is just not like that.

I’ve met men at work, bars, clubs, dating sites…They have typically all been the same. Wanting one thing…Their cake and to eat it too…with a side of all their other favorite stuff!! There have been a few exceptions. Yes, there are good men out there. BUT…What has happened to real “dating???” Does it even exist? Today they will immediately ask you to come to their home. Or take you out once to make you think it’s going to continue…but then it doesn’t.

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I have friends who are so frightened to date that they just don’t. They continue to go back to past loves that have broken their hearts just to avoid the “dating mess.” Then they continuously get hurt because they go back to what hurt them. People stay in passionless relationships just to have someone close to them. It’s soooooo SAD!! We all deserve PASSION!! We all deserve to find strong CONNECTIONS!! But does it exist? I think it does, but in this world it’s hard to find.

Today, there are so many different options. Men and women change their minds constantly. Always looking for something better…or just looking for something and not knowing what…or they’re just getting out of relationships and not ready for something serious, but wanting something for now. Because of this I have learned to detach myself from any emotions related to the person I choose to be with. Before I learned this technique I was crying and hurt ALL THE TIME!!! It totally sucked. But I’m extremely passionate with anything or anyone I can find a strong connection with. This is my downfall, because it comes with A LOT of pain. So, I will continue to do this until I meet a man who can compliment my life.

What does it mean to detach?? I try not to allow anyone’s actions to affect me directly in a negative way. If they don’t want to talk to me, If they don’t want to spend time with me, If they don’t want to invite me out, If they don’t want to message me during the day telling me they are thinking about me, If they don’t want to be intimate with me, If they don’t want to put effort into me…I try to brush it off. I tell myself it has nothing to do with me. Most of the time it doesn’t…they just don’t know what they want…and most of the time neither do I.

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I would normally get all in my FEELS any time this happened…and get sad and ask, what I did wrong. But honestly I usually don’t do anything to deserve the above behaviors. Nobody ever does. BUT, YES IT HAPPENS!!!  I taught myself to recognize the behavior and choose to do the opposite. I taught myself to try not to give them all my emotional passionate energy, which is hard to do…the more I give the harder it is to do this. But I deserve the BEST…so…They don’t want to talk to me…ok…someone else does. They don’t want to spend time with me…ok…someone else does….

Why should I allow their actions to hurt me?? It doesn’t make sense. I might give them myself, and show them I enjoy them, and want to be with them…But if they don’t reciprocate…I can’t allow myself to feel pain due to their actions.  If a man wants you…he will call, he will take you out, he will spend time with you…he will make it known to all. If he doesn’t then he obviously doesn’t want you. Why be sad because he doesn’t want you? Men if a women wants you we will respond every time you reach out to us. And we will keep coming back. We are simple. Even a completely closed off women will eventually respond if they are interested in a man. We were born with fairy tale mentality…we secretly want the happily ever after.

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I know it seems cold to detach. But if you’re with someone who doesn’t know how to communicate, and isn’t responsive to your communication….Why allow them to take control of your emotions or actions? You’re stronger than that. You’re in control of YOU. Detaching is not easy. Especially if you are a person who loves and feels with all of your soul. It took me many years to master this. And honestly, I still struggle with it. I literally have to talk to myself to bring myself back to reality. The reality is usually that they just aren’t the right person for me, and its time to move on.

It takes work, but it can be done. And yes it can be undone when you meet a man who actually wants your time, affection, and compliments your life. Want to learn how to detach in a healthy way to protect your heart?? Or have you had your heart broken and need to heal? Book an appointment and the Counselors at Positive Soul Holistic Therapy can guide you. 210-858-6127.

Trauma & the Effects on the Brain

Have you ever experienced a traumatic event in your life that literally created a completely different person under your skin??? Or have you ever known someone who went through a traumatic experience?? They are never the same. The person changes. They do things differently, say things differently, react differently, feel differently, speak differently, walk differently, love differently, EVERYTHING about them is different!

Why is that you ask??? Well for many reasons. First of all, can you imagine the worst experience ever?? For some it’s a form of abuse, change, war, death, or loss of some sort. For me it was witnessing and embracing my brother’s dead body in my home. Trauma comes in many forms. It can be extreme and it can be minor. It can stick with you forever or it can stay for a while and leave. For some, it changes them completely. For others, they may change small things in life.

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I never asked my Doctor or therapist what my diagnosis was, but most likely with my symptoms and changes it was either PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, or an Adjustment Disorder of some sort. I had panic attacks, flash backs daily, I was a zombie, a robot…Did what I needed to, but that’s it. Pushed people away, drank heavily every day. I avoided going home the same way I went home that day, Because I would experience it again every time. I didn’t go through the front door of my mom’s house, because I would see him laying there every time. I isolated myself from my family. I had sleep problems, sleep paralysis, nightmares, I would wake up screaming or crying, I would feel extreme pain all over my body, I was self-destructive in the worst way. I didn’t want to live….I knew my old self had died and was buried with him on that day.

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Trauma affects a person deep inside their heart, soul, and brain. One thing people who experience trauma have in common is what happens to their brain. The amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex get altered during traumatic experiences, and rarely return to the same functioning before the trauma occurred.

The amygdala is responsible for our FEAR response center. Hippocampus manages our response to EMOTIONS and helps us manage difficult thoughts and emotions and respond appropriately. The Prefrontal cortex is the THINKING center and responsible for rational thought, problem solving, empathy, and awareness. These are very important parts of our brain that help us function appropriately and acceptably.

For a person who has experienced a traumatic event the Thinking center is under-activated, the Emotional regulation center is under-activated, and the Fear center is over-activated at all times due to that one traumatic experience. Because of this the chemicals of your brain get thrown off causing a permanent chemical imbalance. Not only do the chemicals get all mixed up, but you are unable to focus, unable to function, unable to make decisions, have trouble distinguishing between right and wrong, and can’t control your emotions or actions.

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So imagine being a person who has experienced trauma. They must heal from the event, and learn about their new self. They have to be introduced to the new person they have become, but how does one do that if they don’t even know that they have changed??

Many have no clue anything is wrong because of the damage to the brain caused by the trauma. If someone experiences trauma and doesn’t have a support system what happens?? Many get lost and end up sabotaging everything in their life. They never recover. If they do have a support system…someone will come along and force them to get help or make changes.

If you know someone who has been acting or doing things differently talk to them, support them, listen to them, help them. Don’t back down until they are seeking help from a skilled Counselor. You could be the one who helps them realize something is wrong or different with them. It was my sister who came to me one day with anger towards me, because she didn’t understand what was going on with me. She was the one that helped me get back on track. I was able to learn about the new me. Which allowed me to create an even more confident, outgoing, motivated version of my old self. I will forever be grateful for her. Who knows what I would’ve become without support.

If you need help or know someone who is in need of help. Call us today. Our Counselors can help you discover the new person you have become, and help you process the trauma. We can guide you to living a fulfilling, productive life. Don’t allow the trauma to define you. Learn and grow from it…life is too beautiful to spend it living as a robot.

Positive Soul Holistic Therapy

210-858-6127

Is a Balanced Life Possible?

Daily I run into someone talking about balance in one way or another. Sometimes it’s negative sometimes it’s positive. I hear it from friends, random people, and clients. I’m no Guru when it comes to this topic, but I’ve been successful at having people understand, learn what it’s about, and how to reach it.

People strive to find balance in their lives, but struggle with it. They hear that when you’re balanced you’ll be happy…when you’re balanced good things start happening…but, How does one find balance? What is balance?

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Balance: noun
  1. a state of equilibrium or equipoise; equal distribution of weight, amount, etc.
  2. something used to produce equilibrium; counterpoise.
  3. mental steadiness or emotional stability; habit of calm behavior, judgment, etc.

For one to achieve balance in life they must be in a healthy place mentally, physically, and emotionally. Is anyone ever capable of being healthy in all these areas at once??? The answer is YES!! Everyone’s perception of healthy is different. What’s important in finding a healthy balance is to feel good in all these aspects of life. Does it have to be perfect? NO! If it were PERFECT you wouldn’t be balanced. Perfection doesn’t exist.

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Mental Balance: It all begins here! Our thoughts can make us or break us. What are you thinking about? What are you telling yourself on a daily basis? Is it rational and real? Or are you making things up? Are you creating unrealistic expectations? When you THINK negatively…you FEEL negatively…you BEHAVE negatively. This will throw off your entire equilibrium and balance isn’t possible. The key here is to evaluate your thoughts.

Physical Balance: Now if you can’t find mental balance you may struggle in finding physical balance. If your thoughts aren’t positive you will lack motivation, desire, and energy. Without motivation and energy it’s difficult to take care of your body. In order to find physical balance you must move your body and take care of your body. What are you putting into your body? Water? Alcohol? Junk food? Healthy food? What is your body doing? Moving? Staying still? When your body is healthy you feel good about yourself and have a higher self confidence.

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Emotional Balance: hmmm this one is difficult…think about it…not all emotions are positive. So to reach emotional balance must all our emotions be positive??? NO!! That’s impossible we are HUMAN!! We experience every emotion. Happiness, sadness, nervousness, fear, worry. In fact we probably experience about every single emotion in existence daily depending on what’s going on in life. To find emotional balance you must be aware. Be aware of every emotion you feel and understand why you feel it…know where it comes from…you must be able to experience, process, and move on. Don’t allow yourself to get stuck in any emotion, especially if you don’t like the way it feels.

Have I experienced Chaos?? YES!! When I’m in a chaotic state my life is turned upside down. I can’t think, act, or make decisions. I don’t care about myself or my appearance. I gain TONS of weight, eat like a bottomless pit, drink excessively. I isolate myself, overthink, become depressed. Unproductive, and Unmotivated..is just not a good look on me!!

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Have I experienced Balance? YES!!  When I’m balanced I don’t allow things I can’t control to effect me, I talk to myself a lot(which totally helps), I take care of myself by working out, eating right, drinking water, limiting all the bad stuff I put into my body(I don’t give it up, but it’s limited), I allow myself to be aware of my thoughts and emotions and how they are linked to my behavior.

If I feel a negative emotion I call it out and ask myself Why are you feeling this way?? Is it worth the overthinking? Why are you causing yourself pain?? It this really necessary? Can I do anything about whatever caused the emotion? Can I change it? I remind myself “Jeanette you can’t change people or make people do things or expect that people know things!” That’s just ridiculous!! You’re not that powerful!! You’re just a counselor, a person…so why allow the thought that’s causing my unpleasant emotion to take control over my entire being???

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So is balance possible?? YES it is! You just have to find the right fit for you. What’s right for me may not be right for you. Balance is achieved by trial and error. Where do you start?? Call Positive Soul Holistic Therapy we can guide you in your journey to a balanced positive life. You are capable of anything as long as you want it, and believe it. Set the goal and work towards it.

 

Vampires can suck you dry…

Ever just feel betrayed….you trust someone with very personal information because you believe them to be genuine. You see goodness behind their pain, so you share, you allow a connection to form, and attempt to build a relationship of some kind whether it be mentor, friendship, or more…I tend to feel this way often. Each time I tell myself…Why do u do that? Why do you trust so easily? Not all people should be trusted with your personal information…the stuff that makes you real. 

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These people I’m describing they are vampires! They target empathetic open people and suck out their life, their energy, their time because they know they can. They want to feel something…so they take your story, your pain, your energy to make themselves feel better. They get energized and feel powerful and confident….Then they move on, they forget about you, they decide you aren’t needed anymore…they sucked out what they wanted and now you’re no good to them.

Have you ever encountered a vampire??? They are charming, they are nice, they are good-looking, beautiful, they share information too, but not too much only enough to get what they need from you. They come in all shapes and forms….and leave you feeling empty and wondering what you did wrong. 

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How do you overcome a vampire?? Your gut might be to put up a wall and never let another in ever again, but what’s the fun in that?? What’s life without a little pain? We must go through the pain to grow, we must experience loss to appreciate the present. So, instead of blocking people out of your life and isolating yourself do the opposite. Embrace others as you do naturally, but don’t over share, don’t give too much before you know if they are worthy. Don’t allow yourself to get sucked dry, be selective. 

That’s your personal private information…you allowed yourself to be vulnerable to help or encourage another….to build a relationship, to create a connection…so why are you beating yourself up over a vampire??? You gave to that person with nothing but good intentions and pure heart! They are the ones that took advantage of you. They are the ones with fear of personal connections. They are the ones that should suffer, not you….but they never will suffer. Because they don’t see life as you do, and they never will. No need to try to explain it to them, because they don’t care about you. Take the lesson and move on.

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You will never reach a Vampire…it’s not your responsibility to teach them or make them understand…Ever heard of Karma??? I’m a true believer in the transfer of energy among all living things on earth. If you give with good intentions you will be rewarded. But you’re feeling pain…so…how is that a reward you ask??? Well like I said earlier sometimes it’s necessary to experience pain to experience the good in life. Give and experience life to the fullest, and let Karma take care of the rest. I always hope that Karma will be gentle and teach them rather than cause pain. But we are the creation of our own destiny. 

Keep giving don’t block yourself off…by blocking your flow of energy you aren’t allowing goodness to come into your life. Be open, be proud, and accepting of the person you are. No need to prove your worth to anybody, because you are worth more then that. Don’t allow the behaviors of a negative person or a vampire to interfere with the positive energy coming towards you. Free your mind of negativity, learn from the encounter, process it, and continue living and giving. 

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Am I Un-Date-Able???

Why is it that we are genetically programmed to need others? This literally causes depression, loneliness, sadness, anxiety, hopelessness…This thought we have is the source of so much pain. I was sitting alone on my couch tonight watching love stories and thinking to myself…Awww that’s sooo beautiful…tears in the eyes…then shaking my head telling myself…STOP IT!! That’s not real!!! DON’T BE THAT GIRL!!! You’re a professional you know BETTER!!!

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Truth is I’m human…TOTALLY not perfect! I’m single…I’m a strong, independent women…I love myself. Do you ever have that moment when you’re completely happy with life…but you crave the attention, affection, or the touch of someone you’re attracted to? But is it that I want a relationship? Or is it that I want someone to be next to me?

I’ve had my experiences with relationships and they never really worked out for me. Men tend to try to control me with words or actions will reject me or make me feel bad to gain the power in the relationship…I’m aware that not all men are like that, but for some reason I experience that quite frequently. I’m like a magnet for insecure or confused men. Or is it that I’m confused and insecure??? I’ve been told you attract what you give out…

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I’ve attempted to form male friendships to see if that works any better the “relationships”…maybe we can be on an equal playing ground? Maybe if I make it clear that I only want them as a friend they won’t get weird??? I’ve developed some friendships, but they aren’t consistent with wanting to connect me because they aren’t on my same page. Their mind-set is somewhere else…either what if there’s someone better, I wonder if that hot girl will have sex with me, or she’s going to kill my game I can’t be around her…

I just want someone to talk to me sometimes, touch me and be close to me sometimes, travel with sometimes, go out to new places sometimes…because honestly I’m really good at doing all these things by myself, but sometimes it would be nice to have someone I like that’s the opposite sex around. Is that TOO MUCH to ask for? Am I being TOO PICKY?? Am I self Sabotaging???

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Who’s knows…but that leaves me stuck in a dilemma. Men don’t want to date me or be my friend???  Do they not find me attractive? Am I not making myself available? Or is it that I intimidate them? Am I unapproachable? Am I not fun to be around? Am I boring?? I have no clue…but what’s a woman to do in this situation?? This is what I’ve come up with.

First of all it has nothing to do with you:They don’t want to be around you because of an insecurity that they have. Or maybe they just aren’t into you?? I just remind myself that if they wanted to be with me, they would be with me, and they aren’t…so oh well…time to move on.

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Put yourself out there:Join a dating site, go out and meet new people, talk to people you don’t know. Form connections and build relationships. How do you expect to meet someone if you’re at home doing nothing and talking to your cat??

Be patient:Things will come along when they are supposed to. Until then get busy getting to know yourself, mentally, physically, emotionally. Try not to fill your loneliness with the company of someone who doesn’t care about you. Call a good friend instead of calling that butthead that is never there for you and has made you cry.  All that does is put a band-aid on your wound while the emotions cut it even deeper.

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So what do I do in the mean time??? Stay busy, set some life goals! Don’t over think every little thing! Masturbate and touch yourself! Workout!!! Put yourself in the good company of POSITIVE people! Seek out a Counselor so you can learn more about yourself.

I had a client tell me the other day that they want to change themselves and understand themselves, so they will start attracting the right people!!! YES! That’s what it’s about change and positive thought. Things will start happening in your life when you least expect it…Karma, energy, and the stars must fall inline. You are NOT Un-DATE-Able!!

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Who’s Viewed My Story??

We all have social media. Social media is how our world communicates. Today I was on snap chat and a good friend of mine made a comment on snap chat that sparked my thoughts. He said in so many words thank you to all my 3hundred blah blah blah followers for viewing my bologna sandwich. This comment got my brain ticking. WOW do you even know those 3hundred whatever people? His answer was of course NO…

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I can recall a time in my life where I depended on social media for my entertainment and to feel good about myself. I would literally check it all the time to see who viewed my posts, who liked my posts…then I would have a reaction to it. I would feel good or feel disappointed based on who or the number of views. As I reflect now I can see how bad of a place I was in at the time….BUT

Why do we allow social media to dictate our emotions. I know I’m not the only one who has experienced this. The feelings of sadness or loneliness based on a message or a view or lack there of…It sounds ridiculous but it’s true…It happens everyday. When you open snap chat, instagram, twitter, or facebook you know you get a smile if you see others are interested in your posts. You might even get more excited or happy when someone messages you about your posts or makes a positive comment.

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However, most people on social media don’t know half of the people they have as “Friends.” So why do we care? Why do we allow complete strangers to control our emotions? Crazy when you start to really think about it…We have become a society that is completely controlled by social media the views and likes provided by complete strangers…It will boost our confidence or put someone in a really dark place.

I’m pretty sure there are some people reading this saying…that’s not me, I don’t do that…oh really then why do you post on social media??? Why do you check who’s viewed your story? Yup that’s right…anyone who has social media has allowed a complete stranger, or someone they know to control their emotions in one way or another.

So how do you gain control of your emotions, and still use social media without it destroying you or your relationships??? Well, honestly some don’t want to and there’s nothing wrong with that. But if you’re anything like me and rather be in control of your own emotions and be mentally healthy….

First thing to do is to go through your social media and delete anyone you don’t know or have not had a connection with at some point in your lifetime.

Next thing reality check…NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU!!! Just because people view your story doesn’t mean they care!!! The reason they looked is most likely because they were bored, or they are stalking you…Unless they are your true friends or family who just want to keep up with your life.

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So then why are you posting so much? You want the attention? or to be entertained by comments? Just think about it and make a choice….to post or not to post…Do I need fake validation from people who don’t even personally know me??

Personally I have changed the way I use social media. Yes I used to post provocative pictures and videos of myself for the attention, but now I ask myself do I really want the attention of people who honestly DON’T GIVE A DAMN about me?? UMMMM NO I don’t!!!

I did what I suggested above. Do I have fewer people entertaining me?? YES…but honestly I’m in a much healthier place in my life, and I don’t want or need people in my life that don’t care about me. My main goal with social media these days are to connect with family, to get ideas for blog posts, or to grow my business.

I just ask you to think about why you’re on social media? What is it doing for your life? If it leaves you feeling empty or with some sort of emotional reaction…Then reevaluate why you have it, and who you allow into your life through viewing it. Just something to think about…

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